Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will be naked everywhere
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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