I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Did I show you my penis last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
