I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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