I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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