Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
