I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
