If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize