hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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