Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize