Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
