P.S. I can't hear my feet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
