i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
