Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
