He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
