I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
