so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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