So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
