So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
