I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I've blown a few things in my day
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
