but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
