so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
