I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize