I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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