Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
