You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
