Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
