I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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