So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
