as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
