a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
