hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
