I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
