you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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