My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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