your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
