You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
