he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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