she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize