you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize