you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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