seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
