dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
