We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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