If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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