took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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