your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
