Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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