My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize