Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
