ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
