I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
