i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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