I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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