guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
