my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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