I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize