I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
