I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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