Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
