I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
