If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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