The maid of honor just puked.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
These tits shall not be calmed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
