i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
