He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
