Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
