i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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