He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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