Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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