Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
