He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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