Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize