actually, I'm a sock model
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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