OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
