she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
