Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
