You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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