FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
