You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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