covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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