The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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