I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
