Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
