just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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