my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
