Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
