I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
