we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
