Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Life is so much better after having sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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