Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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