Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
