I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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