I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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