i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
