How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
