Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
