Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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