I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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